| A Dream Poem |
[01 Mar 2009|03:51pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
going the distance |
] |
Funny Things Happen to Trees in Winter
or
Pollination:
She made a son from the wind
whom she called joe
sspeh
and carried him in her willows
until he was strong enough to
stand on his own.
|
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| does not compute |
[10 Jan 2009|12:25am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 full |
] |
And the sedated moments of my day when I am not feeling an strong emotion one way or the other do not make up for the fact that I am unsatisfied.
I like movies
and I like kisses and car rides and working
but its as if I am at the wrong end of a funnel.
I would so much rather be full and bouncing
rather than the smooth processing end.
I don't really process much.
Now, all it takes is an extreme action to target an extreme
reaction of the forces of nature
because forces of nature is all it really is.
And maybe I'm not
going against
nature.
But it sure does feel like I've lost touch with it.
Nature doesn't mean
trees and fairies,
by the way.
It means the things that
create trees and fairies.
She's a goddess.
|
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| who knows anymore? Just let me be... |
[17 Jun 2008|02:39am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 eyes closed, mouth open |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
complexed contemplative full light depressed elated middle ground forgetfull bee |
] |
I breathed in too much life today.
Well, not too much , just a little bit more than what I'm used to.
I've realized that I look down a lot now
most of the time
my eyes gaze down or
away from other's faces.
I think I am trying to close it out, a bit.
( cut for viewing pleasure )
"Don't be so tired, kid, it's only the beginning."
"I don't know whether I'm too young or too old." She declared it suddenly, in the middle of some other sentence
DEAR BEE
STOP YOUR FUCKING BULLSHIT.
THERE IS NO REASON
TO THINK LIKE SHIT
ALL THE TIME.
Its not poetry.
I know what I have to do
what will make me swallow the light.
So, here. Sober minded, and having one of those nights that was relived more often in daydreams than in real life and I want to enjoy it because my hair is loose and I'm barefoot on the cement. The bar chords hit me, (I know the simpler the bar the more plastered I get.) and I'm a little drunk. even through happiness and simplicity I crave intoxication and complexity.
It does not matter if I'll see you again because we have this. I've had so many one night stand friendships, but relationships will make me run away. As long as I'm far away from someone, I'll be ok.
I'll think about this one for a long time.
So I'll take this night and keep running; maybe it’s not good to think about where to go.
I want to be utterly confused about this entry tomorrow
and try to wonder why and when I wrote the things I did.
At least this is dated.
be positive.
|
|
|
[08 Nov 2007|05:10pm] |
I would give up alot
just to be able to manage my life.
shit.
|
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| I am fat and angry |
[04 Nov 2007|06:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 high |
] |
Object permanence is proving a little tricky lately, only instead of objects the subject thats baffaling me is myself.
substance abuse
would suit me
since I am air and sound and disapointment
with no substance to me at all.
Dalma told the sand to be quiet. She was done with its chatter and multitude. She was done with the way it settled down her blouse,into her eyes and under her fingernails. She pictured individual grains falling into her cuts, bridging the gap from skin cell to skin cell and embedding itself into her makeup.. While she worshipped jagged, she couldn't imagine that grit becoming a part of her forever. She ran her fingers across bump nump bump of sand. Dalma would buy a spoon if she had to and scoop at herself until she could be sure that her skin could heal itself without grit getting in the way.
Perched,
unconvincingly
She fell
yelling for help
only
in bewtween
breaths, limbs, branches, lines.
|
|
| revelations |
[02 Nov 2007|05:43pm] |
I am like U.S foreign policy
all lights and bombs
but no substance.
|
|
| Neglect |
[01 Nov 2007|11:08pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the black rebel motorcycle club-stop. |
] |
The bed is unmade.
Deflated and
crude pillows
mark a haven of unrest. Sleep is lost easily in its creases
but let out
as the night progresses. The bed is benign.
Its folds weep
dust mites
when I lay upon it. The bed is unmade, rumpled and
lonely. ( Mine )
"Why so small?" She inquired, body hunched over as if she were punctuating her own question. "I need room for the after party." She answered herself. Talking alone was no longer a matter for scrutiny, it was only a matter of sanity. "It takes a real woman to ask, punctuate, and answer her own questions." Her final sentence satisfied her as she cracked her spine a bit more and settled herself in between the lines.
I know I spelled dialogue wrong.
|
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| honestly. |
[01 Nov 2007|11:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 discontent |
] |
I hope to god something changes soon.
|
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| fuck forever. |
[09 Apr 2007|10:17pm] |
|
If anyone were to love me
the way I loved them
my cells might just start quivering
and my skin would
skate across my skin like infected ameobas
and it would be so pleasent
that it would border on unpleasentness.
if anyone were to love me
forever
i would be so shocked
my heart might stop
and spill all this blood and guts and love
onto the street
and people would step in it
and be disgusted.
its good that
no one will ever love me
forever
because then
the street cleaning crews
would get mad.
|
|
|
[04 Dec 2006|05:17am] |
When I was little- first grade little-
I used to pull the covers over my head
and pray that I would die.
I didn't know the logistics of suffocation back then.
but now that I do
I wish I had the courage.
|
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|
[09 Nov 2006|04:09am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sure, why not. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
pleasant |
] |
your thumbs are my
spaceship and I will use them to ride
across fields of
helovesme helovesmenots
knowing all the while that
even if you love me
it will always be a not
in my mind.
I'll land hastily in a clearing
and
accidentaly crush the
grasshoppers
without enough sense to run away.
|
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| Poor Impulse Control |
[17 Sep 2006|11:16pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
I forgot-the moldy peaches |
] |
I'm really glad my parents
aren't the kind of people that own guns
because if they did
I probobly would have blown my brains out by now.
|
|
| you can't overload your underwear |
[27 Jul 2006|02:20pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
fat |
] |
an anti depressant
capsule and
a glass of
water.
I'm hoping to keep this
as all I ingest
until tonight.
|
|
| shower |
[14 Jul 2006|09:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
uno quire ser mi amiga |
] |
the scalding water
does nothing to placate
the cold in my bones.
|
|
|
[07 Jul 2006|03:19am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 this is me. this is my life |
] |
I am trying so hard
and I just always end up hurting.
|
|
| fish |
[25 May 2006|04:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
casey jones |
] |
gulp gulp
You fell asleep with your mouth wide open
like a fish
waiting for a tender worm
to wiggle its way
into your mouth.
Hook
line
sinker.
I checked my rearview mirror
and found you in the back seat.
Glub
glub
delicately, I
wriggled my way into the back
without waking you up
and stared at your
eyelids
wondering how to
perfectly bait you.
|
|
| revalations from mississippi |
[09 Apr 2006|12:44am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cheerful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
everytime we touch-some techno lady |
] |
There's nothing greater than taking a crap in your own bathroom.
I had a great time.
|
|
| panic attacking |
[12 Mar 2006|10:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 breathe breathe breathe |
] |
it is thursday night
and we all sit in front of our
computers
and sunbathe
in the light.
sunlight
contains vitamin d
but computers
help fight depression.
you know those nights where
you look up at the moon
and the clouds are moving
and for a second
it feels like
you can see the rotation of the world
going by?
it’s kind of like that.
|
|
| so much better..... say what?! |
[21 Feb 2006|10:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 ice-sickle. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
yoshimi battles the ____ robots- flaming lips |
] |
FEELINGS...??!!@#$!????!!...
ok, I can deal.
|
|
| Don't try to intimidate me with your big words, montel! |
[25 Jan 2006|07:47am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
i need help |
] |
I just had a 7 minute conversation with myself
imagining I was on the Montell Williams show
and practicing my face motions
in case I ever was.
In other news,
I go back to school today.
bklfdugudpgifghetyhgrh
|
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